Liposuction for the pig

The pressure to lose weight is extreme and, not surprisingly, that pressure now includes pigs. As we have seen in the last couple of years with the demand for organic, healthy, skinny cows (less marbling), there is now a move to also make pigs skinny!

It was announced today in a brief press release, and I quote, “Dr. Giorgio Cologist is pleased to have finished medical trials and expects the first Lardosuction to be in use in 33 days or less.” The release continues on to state that criticism about the safety for the pigs is unfounded and that the “critical trials,” which were started in 1974 with human thighs and abdomens, and which are exactly the same as the pigs, are completely safe.

Much of the criticism has come from a French plastic surgeon and the Consortium of Plasteek. A member of the original team, Dr. Smith, was asked to leave abruptly when it was discovered that he had invested in a commercial skin shaver company. It was stated that, again quoting the press release, “there is no need for cosmetic reconstruction to cover the excessive skin wrinkling as the hairy pig is, well,  … hairy. Under no uncertain terms is there any need for shaving.”

Further digging into the companies website, reveals that the company was originally founded to find an alternative fuel source for the companies editor, who owns a VW bio-diesel. With the significant acceptance of bacon as a healthy food choice (really!) and with lard slipping into the lead as the fat of choice, the company swung directions and accelerated the release of the Lardosuction machine to make pigs skinny and create lard at the same time.

So, since you can get the lard out of the pig without harming the pig, would lard then be considered a vegetarian ingredient?  Though clearly not vegan, the question is, does this fall in the same category as butter for a vegetarian? My friend Karen, who is a pie-loving vegetarian, is clearly missing out on the lard-based pie crusts, and I suspect she is secretly chomping at the bit for the first release of Lardosuction Lard at the local Partial Foodstore.

Have a great day, it’s April fools day!

Life is full of fat, eat it simply and live well.

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